I collapsed on the floor with tears running down my cheeks as I was sobbing uncontrollably. In that moment, I felt like someone had just ripped out, not only my heart but my whole sense of being too. My life seemed shattered into a million pieces.

 

How the heck had I ended up here?

 

Rewinding back a few hours it all had started as a fairly normal day. At the time I was living in San Diego which was kind of my second home. I went about my day like any other, even though I sensed that something was off. I couldn’t really grasp it at first, but something felt different. I hit the gym and went back home again to attend some work that needed to be done. As I started checking my emails and messages that weird feeling became stronger and thoughts like

 

"What are you doing this all for?"

"What's the purpose of all this?"

 

started to circulate in my mind.

 

I had had these thoughts before in my life, but I was quite sure that I had gotten rid of them by now. After all I was chasing my dream of traveling and location independence. Nevertheless, I felt completely lost and stuck in that moment. The most disturbing for me was that I already knew this feeling. It was the exact same feeling that I had before I broke out from society to travel a little over a year prior. In fact, I had felt this way so many times already throughout my life. Like I was moving in cycles!

 

I had just recently come back to San Diego because my visa in Colombia, where I was really living, had expired. Not only that, I was actually living there with my girlfriend at the time. Since I was feeling so lost that day, I texted her and we jumped on a call. As always, she would support me and my dreams, but I immediately knew that something was off.

 

“I don’t love you”

 

These words went deep into my heart, like small, sharp knives.

This was the call she ended the relationship and I never saw her again.

 

It wasn't exactly the best day of my life and as the saying goes: When it rains it pours. I got the news that my business was failing and that I had lost all the money (a lot) that I had invested into it. Business gone, money gone and my heart was broken into a million pieces. I was in huge pain and everything was spinning and twisting. There I was sitting on the floor with my back leaning against the bed. Devastated, hurting, and lost.